We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He shit in the fireplace
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