I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
