you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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