I smell stomach acid.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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