I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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