Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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