uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
