Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
