Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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