does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
