He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
