Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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