I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
