i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
