there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
