now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
