the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
