There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
