If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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