Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just pee around me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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