She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
