My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
