please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
