i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
