I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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