Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
