Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
