yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
