Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
