i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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