Your mouth is God's brothel.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
