he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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