you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
