Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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