Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
