were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
