How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
