genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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