I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
40s are totally the cure
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
