i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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