she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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