I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
