You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
