it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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