What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
