Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
