I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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