I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
