u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
