I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
