her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
