honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
