i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
BRING THE BAGELS
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
