I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
