And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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